Double Standards

Admiral Byrd had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges so I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning, I resigned my commission in the Coast Guard. The next thing I heard, there was civil war in Spain.
So i hopped aboard diversity and set sail, singing as we did so sail...

Hello said the Captain
Good day.
Happy to see you.
I, Crow T. Robot, have penned a little ditty in honor of the star of today's experiement, Kim Cattrall.
This one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patric and this big peanut guy.



It's called "Oh, Kim Cattrall" by Crow T. Robot, sung by Crow T. Robot.

It's marked allegro con brio, Köchel listing 643. Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Kim Kim Kim Kim Cattrall.
You were in "Mannequin", and that was a really good movie Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Caaaattraaaaa-halll! Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Kim Kim Cattrall. You've never made a bad film. Oh, What the hell, ring my bell. Let's go to The Dells. Our relationship will gel. I like your smell, you're really swell. I'm Charlton Heston for Con-Tel. I love you, Kiiiiiiiim- I liked your dress at the Ace awards- Caaaattraaaaaaaall


Then, the captain told us this story


A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel So good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.


The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this?! He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"