Left Wing & Right Wing

The Right-wing sect knows that everything it thinks is right


There is no dispute in this matter, and when there is, it generally involves a lot of slobbering and excessive phlegm.
Right-wingers always stay in packs, making them hard to take down. They tend to wear reinforced dress shirts and pants to support their wrinkled, red, overly pudgy and lard-filled physique. This is not a put down, however, as they use it to their advantage to scare away children on TV.

They support freedom of religion, as long as it happens to be the same religion they believe in.

They show strict adherence to the Ten Commandments:


-Thou shall stockpile firearms if at all possible. Be sure to mention your "cold dead hands."
-Babble for hours on an AM radio station. Occasionally throw in some words from a political thesaurus.
-Use democracy to destroy it. For instance take over the Senate only to abolish it so the country becomes ruled by a dictator.
-Criticise and try to impeach anyone who calls himself or herself a Democrat. Look the other way if they call themselves a Republican.
-Care more about politics to an unhealthy degree. If you're not in politics, criticize it on air, in your new book or your blog.
-Have a stake in oil, tree burning, seal clubbing, and whale nuking.
-Buy a mansion with your investments.
-Become fat. Really fat.
-Eat nothing but good 'ol KFC.
-Make sure you have the whole conservative thing down.
-Use speech to convince others, regardless of coherency. Use extra chins on your neck to your advantage.
-Become old and grey. Breed a lot. Make sure you have at least twelve kids.
-Drink straight Kentucky Bourbon every night and every morning until your liver walks into an AA meeting all by itself.


-forget how to count to ten

A popular right-wing game, called "beat the odds," involves reproducing so much that you become the majority in a two party system.
Then, at least eight identical brothers should enter politics to stay away from habit forming all night liquor/crack binges.
Afterwards, run for president.
Keep using crack.
As a political ideology, right-wing proponents believe that government is beneficial and needed to maintain social order, that security is, like, way better than freedom, that taxation and an ever-growing list of laws are the price we pay for civilization, and that facts should never get in the way of a good social program.
Even our good friends the French have got in on the act, and not just during the various German invasions.
The right-wing is believed to have been started on Wednesday, 1269 on IMUG
Not at all to be confused with left-wing.

The Left wing believes everything, including themselves, are wrong.


Also known, as "The Union" or "The Industrialized First World Civilization" it is an independent nation that promotes and adheres to the following guidelines, also known as human rights:
-All beings have the right to freedom of thought, expression, and opinion. Anyone who disagrees should simply cease to exist.
-Freedom of religion, as long as it doesn't involve some kind of God.
-Equal rights for all men and women to be hired as models, especially Playboy centrefolds of the month.
-The right to have pity on lesser civilizations.
-The right to get along with everyone in the world, thereby making weapons obsolete.
-The right to not be a redneck cousin-loving obese alcoholic wife beating white trailer trash gun-slinging southern drawl cowboy.
-The right to not generalize anyone in general.
-The Left wing prefers to drink espresso or machiato, stay vegetarian, and practice being a tree hugging hippy for a day.
-The right wing has been known to blame the left wing for the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster and top rocket scientists in the US Republican party are currently building a space shuttle with two right wings to prevent a recurrence of this event.

As a political ideology, left-wing proponents believe that government is beneficial and needed to maintain social order, that security is, like, way better than freedom, that taxation and an ever-growing list of laws are the price we pay for civilization and that facts should never get in the way of a good social program.

Due to their believe in their rightousness and civil behaviour, left-wingers may refrain from discussions and dirty tricks, therefore loosing elections. They defend this dumbness as an advantage of democracy, but insist it is still the best way of government (weren't it for the existince of the right wing).

The left-wing is currently being blamed on NOWMUG.



The body of these wings has been MIA since the late 1700s when these distinctions were actually relevant.